When ever you come up with a brilliant idea, or you have something on your mind and you need a second opinion who do you usually run to for counsel? Is quite common in most cases to seek the advice of a family member, why? Because they are family and who else who care and love us more than family right. Today on the series we'll be looking at association as it relates to family and blood relatives. Family in this context refers to people who share one or both parents and these people play very significant roles in who we become in future.

I know of a friend who till today suffers from a lack of ability to express himself due to the fact that he was always sh

ut down and that affected his self Worth's. Family is so important that their role in who we ultimately become cannot be overlooked and sometimes they "kill" the greatness in us even without knowing it.

Here are some of the ways you can deal with family members who talk you down and find it hard to see anything great in what you do;

1. Centering yourself before interactions:
Before you call or visit such family member, take a few minutes to calm and center yourself. Take some slow, deep breaths or even meditate for a few minutes. Entering into a potentially hostile interaction when you are calm and centered is one of the most effective ways to guarantee the best possible outcome.

2. Keeping the conversation light:
To deal with these family members effectively, it’s always a good idea to keep the conversation light and happy. You can’t depend on toxic or negative people to respond to serious problems and issues in a positive, beneficial way, so why bother trying?
Instead, stick to conversation topics that you know both of you can enjoy and be happy discussing. Some may call this “walking on eggshells,” but I prefer looking at it more as “letting sleeping dogs lie.”
Contrary to what many people think, “talking about our problems” doesn’t help anything. Positive conversations are generally a much better approach for strained relationships.

3. Abandoning negative conversations:
Does it annoy you when you’re talking to your aunt and she starts to pick on you about not being married yet, or making fun of your job? When this happens, it’s time to put the phone down.
When conversations take a turn for the negative, there’s no sense in taking the bait and getting wound into an argument. Politely tell your aunt “well, look at the time, I really need to get going!” and excuse yourself from the conversation.
Don’t react to comments you don’t want to hear, and you will start to hear less of them. If you refuse to give your family members an audience for their hurtful comments, they will start to speak to you differently in order to keep your attention.

4. Expressing your concerns without accusation:
There will likely be times that your  family members do things that are very hurtful, and in times like these you might feel compelled to stand up for yourself. If you feel that a confrontation is necessary, please tread lightly. Hashing things out must be done respectfully, so that the conversation helps to mend the relationship, rather than escalating into an even greater issue.
For example, when we are upset, many of us tend to say things like “Dad, you’re always talking about my weight and trying to embarrass me!” and while this might be true, you have just accused your father of
intentionally trying to hurt you, and he will likely take offense to this accusation.
Instead of saying “I’m sorry,” you’re much more likely to hear your dad yell “I’m not trying to embarrass you! It was just a joke, why are you so sensitive!?” Then, instead of a resolution, you have a whole new argument on your hands.
In order to be heard and supported more fully from your family members, it is better to stick to non-accusatory “I feel” statements. For example, “Dad, when you talk about how much weight I’ve gained, I feel hurt and upset.”
By using an “I feel” statement, you express your feelings without accusing your family member of having bad intentions. People are much more likely to respond to an “I feel” statement with compassion and understanding.

5. Resisting the urge to people please:
So often when we are in annoying family relationships, we have been trained into becoming people pleasers, and our dysfunctional family members have learned how to push our buttons to get us to call more, visit more frequently, and provide favors we aren’t particularly interested in providing.
Don’t be afraid to say “no,” when you really don’t want to do something. That “no” you feel is a sign from your intuition telling you that this request is a bad idea, so listen to it!
Many people are hesitant to tell their family members “no” because they are afraid of dealing with the reaction they will get. However, if you can start doing this routinely, you will find that your family members will change how they interact with you. If they know that you are unlikely to respond to manipulation and guilt tactics, they will eventually stop using them on you.
Be strong, and stick to your guns the first few times, and saying “no” will get easier and easier for you.

6. Focusing on your family member’s positive qualities:
This one might seem a bit strange at first, but it’s a fantastic strategy. So often, we notice and complain about our family members’ worst qualities, but this only brings us more of the things we don’t like.
According to the Law of Attraction , you get what you are thinking about, so the more you think and complain about behaviors you don’t like-the more of them you will see! So, to start to turn things around, change how you look at your dysfunctional family members. Secondly if you continually see and observe the negative, it only means you are a negative person as well and you not quite different from your family.
Instead of noticing that your mom talks down to you and compares you to your brother, reach for more pleasing observations of her. Notice how clean she keeps her house, the nice gifts that she’s brought you or how well she plays with your younger siblings. By focusing on her positive qualities, you will start to see more of the good in your mom, and less of the bad.

When it comes to friends you can pick or discard at any point in terms of association but when it comes to family, you are not even given the chance to choose. So, the best thing you can do is to manage and avoid as much as possible. Show them love and care but don't let me drag you down or steal your dream, though you belong to a family  you came into this universe alone, and at the end of the day you will go six feet under alone so is your life and not theirs they just happened to be part of it. So until the next time, keep working towards success and I will definitely see you at the top.